The Onion’s Pacman Jones scoop

From The Onion: Pac-Man Jones: ‘I Will Be Nowhere Near Next Friday’s Strip-Club Stabbing’

Quote:

“LOS ANGELES—Suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam “Pac-Man” Jones called a press conference Tuesday in order to emphasize that he will be nowhere near a possibly fatal stabbing that will occur during a fight involving several members of his entourage and the bartender at an L.A.–area strip club this coming Friday….Manny Arora, Jones’ attorney, said that Jones was “genuinely sorry in advance” about the incident, but was not at liberty to answer questions regarding his relationship with the one to three men who will be seen fleeing the vicinity covered in blood. Jones refused to confirm that the weapon to be used in the stabbing, a seven-inch pearl-handled hunting knife, will in fact be given to one of the men by Jones himself this coming Friday morning.”

Whoever wrote this was at their top form.

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