Goldilocks and the 3 Bears, As Retold By the Creators of the NYT Paywall Strategy

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks who broke into a house owned by three Bears: Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear.

Okay, so the door was unlocked and wide open, but still, it wasn’t her house, so she broke in, okay.

After she broke into the house, she started ransacking the place, eating all the food in sight and busting up the furniture — she even had the audacity to take a nap in one of the beds, right there in the middle of the house.

Soon, the bears returned home and, as any bear would be, they were mad as hell.

So they ate her.

Why?

Because they were bears.

The End

*Steven King fans may recognize this post as an homage to a version of Goldilocks found in his short story called “The Library Police” that is part of the four-story collection, Four Past Midnight.