Prediction | Ten Ways Trump Will Explain Why He Didn’t Lose

I didn’t lose, Trump will say in as many ways as possible.

 


(Update, November 9, 2017: I have updated this item due to some news I became aware of after it was posted.)

Note: This was written and posted on November 7, 2016, one day before the end of the presidential campaign from Hell. For the record, I voted early for Hillary Clinton and would have voted for Robert Mugabe if my choices were limited to Donald Trump and him. I feel confident about two things: Trump will win Tennessee, so my vote will mean little in the Electoral College.


Ten Ways Trump Will Explain Why He Didn’t Lose After He Loses

  1. I didn’t lose. The Trump brand is yuge. The most valuable brand in the world. More than Coke and Apple put together. I know about these things.
  2. I didn’t lose. The campaign was a yuge profit deal.
  3. I didn’t lose. Historians are already saying I was the best presidential candidate ever.
  4. I didn’t lose. I spent half of what Hillary spent, and I would have won had the election not been rigged, so that’s winning. The Electoral College should consider that — the one who spends the least money should get bonus points from the Electoral College.
  5. I didn’t lose. The election was rigged by the media, the Republican Party insiders, the Clintons, Obamas, and Democrats, the FBI and CIA, ISIS, every newspaper in the U.S. except the one in Las Vegas. Readers Digest screwed us.
  6. I didn’t lose. I ran so that I could mention a Trump property whenever I spoke in a city where one was located. That way I could write off the visit as a marketing expense.
  7. I meant to lose. That’s how I didn’t lose.
  8. I didn’t lose. I’m going to sue everyone who didn’t vote for me and the damages I’ll win are going to be yuge.
  9. I didn’t lose. The Electoral College lost its accreditation, and now the election is decided by Trump University.
  10. I didn’t lose. Every Trump Hotel is booked solid for the next century and a half.