Role model

Just some of the classic quotes from the transcript of Randy Moss’ mea culpa:

To all you females out there

“About this incident that happened … luckily it was a female. You know, I would like all the females that this bothered to know that I have loving women in my life also … I have children, I have a mom, and I have a girlfriend that I love dearly. And why would I be out there trying to hurt a man’s wife or somebody’s mom or something like that? So I respect women like they’re really supposed to be respected.”

So wait, does this mean you’re doing weed on the sideline?

“So again, I think that the NFL knows what Randy Moss has done with marijuana. And I think the NFL knows what Randy Moss does with marijuana. However you want to put it. The NFL does not allow marijuana, so I try my very best to stay within the rules of what the NFL has as their guidelines. Sometimes I might break it on the sideline, might get fined and whatnot. But the very important rules of being a professional, I try my very best to try to stay in line with those.

Man, I forgot all about those ethics clauses in my contracts and that endorsement deal with my mom.

First off, I’ve already apologized to the people or certain people who mean the most to me in my life and who are playing a big role in me having success. You know, my teammates, my coaching staff. My immediate family. …And also to my fans…And third of all the people that endorse me: Nike, Jumpman, Michael Jordan himself, my mom.

A man of experience and wisdom.

That carries a felony. I’ve been in a situation before. So I know the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor.