Bedtime story

Bedtime story: Researchers from Rush University Medical Center, Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Harvard Medical School say they discovered low doses of caffeine throughout the day is more effective than the traditional method of having a large dose in the morning. (Personal observation: Using absolutely no federal research grants, I have discovered that a large dose of caffine in the morning followed by large doses throughout the day can also do the trick.)

The findings were published in the Journal Sleep. It appears to me that the Journal Sleep is, itself, actually intended to put its reader to sleep. Why else would they report the findings thusly:

Low-Dose Repeated Caffeine Administration for Circadian-Phase–Dependent Performance Degradation During Extended Wakefulness

Plasma caffeine concentrations rose in an exponential saturating manner during wakefulness. Rising caffeine levels markedly attenuated wake-dependent deterioration of a number of measures of cognitive performance, particularly at the circadian performance nadir. Moreover, caffeine enhanced the ability of subjects to remain consistently awake for extended periods, holding subjects back from completing the full transition to sleep, but at the expense of increasing subjective sleepiness.

After that, all I can say is noq;ef.q,,……..Oh, wait. I’m sorry. Where am I? Oh yes. Did Starbucks fund this research? Speaking of Starbucks, I understand that researchers have discovered that after a day-long caffine binge, some of this is a great thing to exponentially saturate oneself in, however at the expense of decreasing cognitive performance.