Why Baby Jesus loves Target

Why Baby Jesus loves Target: I’m travel weary, so perhaps I shouldn’t blog anything tonight. My body and mind are spent and my soul is still trying to catch up with the rest of me. (At least that’s a theory I picked up from William Gibson’s Pattern Recognition that explains why it takes me several hours to recover from flying.)

I’ve already growled at lots of people I really like: family members, co-workers, clients and even my dog — and that was in just the first hour after landing. So maybe I shouldn’t blog anything tonight.

Oh, what the heck.

Tonight, I’d like to growl at some fundamentalist Christians.

First, I’d like to make it clear that as I define it, I’m a fundamentalist Christian. I’m not some secular humanist making fun of redneck evangelicals. I am a redneck evangelical. (However, in my fundamental interpretation of the scriptures, there’s as much mercy as judgement and love trumps narrow-minded vindictiveness.)

And furthermore, let me establish my credibility regarding the specific issue I’m about to rant about. Last week, on this very weblog, I scoffed at my city’s mayor’s political correctness for calling it a Holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree. It’s a Christmas tree, so get over it, already.

With all that as a caveat, here goes: I have it on pretty good authority that Baby Jesus does not support the American Family Association‘s boycott of retailers who don’t use “Christmas” in their marketing. In fact, I feel certain that Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the shepards and God Almighty him- or herself rejoice with a chorus of angels whenever a retailer takes the name Christ OUT of the commercialized, cultural, secularized aspects of this season.

Get real, American Family Association and ye of similar ilk: When Target drops “Christ” from the marketing onslaught of this holiday, it’s a victory. Jesus Christ, people. (Literally.) If there’s something that Christians should be jumping up and down supporting it’s TAKING CHRIST OUT OF RETAIL MARKETING. Can you people not see how freaking absurd you are for boycotting retailers who are actually disassociating hawking Barbie dolls and iPods with the birth of Christ?

For my entire life, I’ve heard hundreds, yea, verily THOUSANDS, of evangelical ministers (one of whom I called “Dad”) wail on how Christmas has become too commercial. And so the folks who have made it commercial — the marketers and advertisers who have manipulated our culture into thinking there’s something religious and Christian about spending more money than we can afford buying stuff often nobody wants — are now trying to get away from calling this commercial orgy “Christian,” and some misguided fundamentalists boycott them.

Join me, won’t you, in praying that Santa Claus brings these people the gift of irony this Christmas.

Also, pray that I’ll stop blogging the night after travel days that begin at 4:30 a.m., eastern time.

And forgive me, family members, co-workers, clients, my dog, and any offended fundamentalist, for taking it out on you.

5 thoughts on “Why Baby Jesus loves Target

  1. Rant on, my man, rant on! If you’re up to it, how about a history lecture on the original reason for the season?

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